Your Momma's so stupid, she stuck a battery up her butt and yelled "I got the Power!"

Nowadays the electric company needs about five faxes, a copy of your driver's license, half a pint of blood (from between the toes only), and the second knuckle off your left index finger. God forbid you don't have a left index finger; you'll be living in darkness like a Morlock for the rest of your days.

Why does the electric company need my entire life just so I can run my toaster? All I want is a nice piece of toast and a hot cup of tea, for the love of God. Prisoners get more than that and all they have to endure is a little bit of unwanted Man-love every now and then. From what I can get, I need to have my landlord send in a statement saying that I am actually living at my new apartment. Why in the name of popsicle sticks would I want to hook up and pay for electricity at a place where I'm NOT LIVING?

I decided to pay a little visit to my local electric service provider to see just what kind of operation was taking place. Unfortunately I was stopped 100 yards short of the first razor-wired fence by two midgets in camogear and a rather mean looking German Shepherd with one eye. These people were definitely not playing around. Because of their policies it appears as if they have had to hire out ruthless guards and attack dogs to keep the desperate nine-fingered masses from tearing the building apart.

I have decided to play their little game and send everything they are asking for, but I will be watching and waiting for just one slip up, something that will bring me closer to the truth about this overbearing company. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some surgery to do.